July | 2016 | Kristin Bayer

Not since Vincent Van Gogh, and his obsession with self-portraits, has there been so much interest in selfies. What’s different is that, these days, you don’t have to be artistic. Anyone with a smart phone can take a selfie. And, an added bonus, you don’t have to be crazy and cut off your ear, either.

At least, not literally.

Aiming the stupid phone is harder than it looks.

My early attempts at selfies were so pathetic that my young teenager took pity and gave me a few pointers, which I’m now selflessly passing on to you. Here’s what you need to know.

It helps to have double-jointed thumbs. You have to hold your phone in such a way that you don’t block the camera, you can reach the button, you can extend your arm the right amount and at the right angle, you don’t block your view of yourself, and you don’t drop the phone. I’d say it’s easier than it looks, except that it’s totally not. Fortunately for those of us with middle-aged thumb joints, there’s a button on the side of the phone that can take the picture too. Problem solved.
The angle is critical. Don’t take pictures up your nose. A little above, a little out. No, that’s not right. That isn’t either. Nope. Sorry.
Duck lips. Don’t ask me to a explain. You have to act a little surprised, all, “Who me? You want to take a picture of little old me?” And yes, I know you’re taking a picture of yourself. Then purse your lips, so it looks like you’ve recently had a Botox injection. Trust me, if you’re 13, it’s adorable. Oh, I’m sorry. You’re not 13? Oh, that’s too bad.