Selfie-Challenged

Selfie Challenged

Van Gogh SelfieNot since Vincent Van Gogh, and his obsession with self-portraits, has there been so much interest in selfies. What’s different is that these days, you don’t have to be artistic to do it. Anyone with a smart phone can take a selfie. And, of course, you don’t have to be crazy and cut off your ear, either.

At least, not literally.

Aiming the damn phone is harder than it looks.

My early attempts at selfies were so pathetic that my young teenager took me in hand, and gave me a few pointers, which I’m now selflessly passing on to you. Here’s what you need to know.

  1. A proper selfieIt helps to have double-jointed thumbs. You have to hold your phone in such a way that you don’t block the camera, you can reach the button, you can extend your arm the right amount and at the right angle, you don’t block your view of yourself, and you don’t drop the phone. I’d like to say that’s easier than it looks, but I’d be lying. Fortunately for those of us with middle-aged thumb joints, there’s a button on the side of the phone that can take the picture too. Problem solved.
  2. The angle is critical. Don’t take pictures up your nose. A little above, a little out. No, that’s not right. That isn’t either. Nope. Sorry.
  3. Duck lips. Don’t ask me to a explain, because I can’t. You have to act a little surprised, all, “Who me? You want to take a picture of little old me?” (Yeah, I know it’s a selfie. Go with it.) And purse those lips, so it looks like you’ve recently had a Botox injection. Trust me, if you’re 13, it’s adorable. Oh, I’m sorry. You’re not 13? Oh, that’s too bad.

Anyway, follow those fool-proof steps, and voila!

Selfie - First Attempt

You have a selfie.

Second attempt at selfie

Er, a selfie.

Selfie - Third Attempt  Selfie - Fourth attempt  Selfie - Attempt five

Wait, wait, almost there…

A selfie, at last!

At last!

Now, I just have to work on not getting photobombed by a random man’s butt. Maybe that will be the next lesson.

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